Pessimistically Positive

I would describe myself as an optimist. I'm about those posi-vibes. I'll look for the good in everyone, and in general, I'm all for the whole 'seize the day' lifestyle. That said, I feel this attitude hasn't been acquired through having my successes handed on a plate. It hasn't been because of a plain-sailing easy life. It hasn't been the result of pain-free relationships/friendships. It's developed from having to work twice as hard than usual, from experiencing not wanting to get out of bed for two weeks straight, and from being let down a lot. 

Don't get me wrong, I've had life pretty good, but I've been through my fair share of shit growing up, some of which I wouldn't wish on anyone. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that ignorance to hardship isn't what makes me an optimist, it's that very knowledge of pain that somehow pushes me towards positivity. 


It's waking up every morning and deciding that today is going to be a good day and fighting against those thought processes that make you think otherwise. I'm an over thinker, messy with my thoughts. I'm always in awe at people that seem so collected with their own. 


Over time I've come to learn that being busy keeps me pumped. Being productive is extremely rewarding to me, if I get stuck not doing anything I don't really know what to do with myself, and that stupid annoying pessimistic part of my brain shows up uninvited. 


Recently, I've felt a strong urge for change. My creative streak has been surging and almost all at once I realised I needed something new, a challenge. Something I could do for myself and not involved with work. I'd already started this very blog, which has motivated me to do more of the things I enjoy creatively for fun. Within the next couple of days I had booked guitar lessons and borrowed my housemates 35mm film camera to play around with.
 

I've been meaning to learn guitar for so long, my acoustic tucked away in the basement the whole time I've been living in London, plus I've always been into photography. I just want to learn constantly. I want to be involved in as much creativity as possible, because it's what sets you free. 

I get an idea in my head and that's it. When I decide I want to do something you bet your ass I'm going to go out and give it my best shot. A friend once told me he admired that about me, that I was fearless. I do have doubts about things, possibly more than regular, but it's that doubt that pushes me to go out and try stuff. It's the unknown that gives me that adrenaline. Maybe I'll blow it, maybe I won't. It doesn't really matter. 


Keep finding new ways to be inspired, to find motivation and become a better version of yourself. Get out of your head and look around.



Gemma
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