I have been filming in South Kensington throughout the day. Delighted by an early finish, and with a little spare time on my hands, I decided to hop on the tube for a few stops to East Putney. It's been a while since I've been in this area of London. My sister used to live here, and kindly let me stay with her in her then tiny one-bedroom flat for a couple of weeks last year when I first moved up to London, frantically flat hunting by day whilst working at an exclusive circus-themed nightclub called 'Cirque Le Soir' by night. This is a place where your entry/admission is decided almost solely on how pretty you are. It lasted roughly six weeks, and in my time there I couldn't have felt more out of place. It was all very false.
Being back in the place where it all started brings an overwhelmingly sense of realisation, an appreciation for how everything eventually managed to piece itself together and most wonderfully how drastically I feel I have changed as a person. I took a stroll past my sister's old place and felt a rippling wave of emotion. The best way I can describe it is like when you hear a song that you haven't heard in years but it brings back the exact feelings you felt at the time of when you used to listen to it. It made me reflect and perhaps more crucially, it ignited an incredible sense of gratitude for my present life. I did it. I survived it. So what changed? How has this city shaped me? A place that was once so alien and now my sanctuary. It certainly didn't happen overnight.
The people I have met are a big part of it. I'm far from being described as a shy person, my job entails a lot of talking and networking so I'm good at meeting new people and it generally comes with ease. On a personal level however, I'm a secret introvert if there even is such a thing. I enjoy my own company and I tend to keep to myself. Living in London has opened me up to friendships with like-minded ambitious creative people. We're all just trying to make it, make something of ourselves whilst defying the norms of a 9-5 desk job wherever we can.
One thing I've really embraced is to have an open heart. I'll befriend almost anyone, show them kindness and if it's not returned to mentally wish them well and distance myself. I tend to have a good first sense of judgement with people. Surrounding myself with good, genuine people is so crucial for me. People let you down a lot in life so it's good to have a strong sense of who's gonna stick around for you.
My whole diet has changed over the past year and four months that I have lived here. I have transitioned from meat eater to pescatarian, to vegetarian to more recently vegan. I've always been a bit funny about food. I'd either eat all of it or barely any. I'd load my freezer with low calorie ready meals with no idea about nutrition or how to look after my body. I thought that was healthy! Making the decision to become vegetarian/vegan has opened me up to this whole new world of cooking, and trying new foods. I eat more now than ever but it's all in moderation and I feel like I'm in better shape for it. Mentally too. I'm lucky that there are a lot of good veggie/vegan places around the city to eat out at also!
It would be nice to say that London has brought me love, however it's mostly just rekindled an old relationship for me to realise you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I don't regret a thing, and if it wasn't for living here perhaps it would have been harder to move on so quickly. That, or the fact that at 24 years of age you really shouldn't be having to deal with a breakup via text message. I did meet someone however that I grew very fond of (and in some way I still am), but it seemed completely illogical. I've never been good at being realistic in that sense though. It was lovely whilst it lasted anyway. These sort of experiences teach you to accept loss/rejection and 'just do you'. There's an awful lot of beauty in this city to take your mind off of things. I'm not really the dating type and it really takes a lot for me to be into someone. It'll happen when it happens and until then I'm content with focusing on myself.
I think the biggest change of all is gaining self - acceptance. I used to put way too much pressure on myself, worry about what others thought and be way too much of a people pleaser. It's in my nature to want to make people happy. It's a good quality until I let it compromise my own happiness.
"Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm"
There's a fancy quote I've thrown in for added measure, just incase this post isn't deep enough for you.
Gemma
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