I guess I ought to get an introduction of myself up and out of the way. I'm Gemma, A 24 year old girl who escaped the countryside of her small hometown in Somerset, England to flee to London to embrace a life of excitement, travel and adulthood. I am your typical twenty something girl that has the world at her feet but is absolutely terrified of what to do with it and spends an awful lot of time worrying about anything and everything. I'm at the age where I'm trying to figure it all out, and it's hard, man.
I am a freelance hair and make-up artist working mostly on music videos and commercials. I love it. If you told me 5 years ago that I'd be doing this now, I'd have never have believed you. I've always been extremely ambitious and driven when it comes to my career. Working in the film industry has opened so many doors and introduced me to some wonderful friends. That said, I will not be using this blog to tell you about a new lipstick or mascara I just had to buy.
No, although perhaps I would like to incorporate my work into this blog at times, it is not going to be your typical beauty blog. In fact I don't think it will be remotely anything like that. I want to use this space as an outlet to share with you guys what it's like to be in your 20's living in a beautiful city that I feel incredibly lucky to live in, and how I'm trying to make sense of it all.
I feel like we put so much pressure on ourselves in our twenties. You finish studying, you move out and all of a sudden it's like 'oh all those years I spent in education and stuff, well now I have to go and do something about it'. It's like you're pushed in at the deep end and now all of a sudden you have to go out into the world and prove that it wasn't all a waste of time.
My problem was I wanted it to all fall into place at once. I moved to London 16 months ago with high hopes and eagerness. What I realised within the first six months was that I was actually pretty lonely and stressed out. I couldn't see it at the time, but now I look back and can see how hard it was for me to adjust. I put so much pressure on myself to 'make it' as a freelancer and felt like it wasn't happening quick enough, or happening at all. But the thing is, and I cannot stress this enough, things have a way of falling into place. Over time I settled in and made a good strong collection of friends, and one job would always lead to the next. You just have to let things happen gradually.
Another thing about being in your twenties as well as a creative; everyone lies about how well they are doing. Well, it's not really lying exactly. But I guarantee you ask someone how work is going they will never say 'really awful, I'm living off of 20p tins of Tesco everyday value spaghetti at the moment'. (Which for the record despite how cheap they are - I maintain that they are the BEST.) No one wants to be seen as 'failing'. It goes back to what I was saying about feeling like you have to prove yourself. But we don't have to. It's only ourselves that feel like we do. I would rather be broke and poor and still be doing what I love even if it means working a 'normal' job to pay the bills. Do what you love because you love doing it.
Now, as much as I've spewed word vomit about my career, it's not the be all and end all of my happiness. I used to think it was, that if I was successful and worked hard then I would find contentment. In a way it's true, it is a lovely feeling to see how far I have come over the past two years and it seems to only be getting better as time goes on, but I've realised there's something missing. I've felt a void for the past few months and I was at first unable to put my finger on what exactly it was that was missing. Then I realised it was more of case of what was I missing out on. I'd built this career from 20 and suddenly I'm 24 and realising none of it really matters. I've become unfulfilled with settling and I'm looking for adventure. I'm aware these years are supposed to be some of the best years of my life and I want to see as much and experience as much as possible.
I think a lot of people can relate to some of this stuff, and I guess I want to use this blog as a way to vent and share with you my outlook on the world. I've learned more about myself than ever over the past 16 months, and I've found a lot of beauty in my surroundings that I take for granted.
So until next time...
Gemma
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