I'm sat back in the familiar surroundings of my bedroom in London, cuppa at hand and a mass of clothes and bags strewn across my floor. I'm not great at unpacking. In fact, in the corner of my room there is a dusty suitcase still clutching onto the last few bits and pieces from my trip to Los Angeles back in JUNE, so "not great" is actually an understatement and "fucking terrible" would probably be more fitting.
If you read my last post, you'll know I took a little break to visit family last week, after feeling a bit overwhelmed by life, although I'm quite unsure as to whether I was overwhelmed or underwhelmed. Either way, after four months of being apart from my family, I knew it would do me some good to catch up and relax.
It is the strangest feeling coming home. Each time I get off the train and into my parents car, to drive through my hometown to the house I grew up in all my life, it feels more and more peculiar. Everything is the same. I can explain to you where every road leads to and tell you who works where and how long it will take to get from A - B. I can tell you all about the familiarity. It's a little soothing, you know, like home comforts. But I can also tell you all about how my stomach feels like it is doing a thousand backflips at the same time. This is the norm. Each time I come home, I feel a little more alien, continuously and rapidly changing whilst my hometown stays the same.
I spent the week catching up with good friends, laughing, road tripping and just being. I played guitar, shamelessly danced drunkenly to fifties swing music, had a heart to heart with a girlfriend at 3 in the morning trying to figure it all out. Those are my favourite type of conversations. I will take an hour long deep vulnerable conversation over a week of small talk any day. When you've had a little too much to drink and it all comes out and that other person really fucking gets it. Those moments are golden.
Perhaps my point here is that you have every right to feel not okay sometimes, even when you feel like there isn't anything to make you feel that way. We are all just human, you know? You just have to make damn sure it doesn't get the best of you.
On my return to London I ended up being booked for several shoots over the next few weeks including a modelling job (yikes - it's been a while!) and a 3 day job in Greece! I am so pleased that I am traveling more with my career and it seems that these things always fall more so into place when I'm feeling doubtful. My painstakingly positive mental attitude and attention to mindfulness is key. It's good to be back, London, show me your best.
grt
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